“ Love doesn’t know its own
depth , until the hour of separation ”
I don’t care how hard being together is, nothing is worse
than being apart. We stand a professional
distance apart, as if I can’t feel his pain screaming in my head. Mine
amplifies his; they share a joint sound—that of glass breaking—until they swell
to a crescendo that deafens.
“I know you still love me, but we
can’t escape the fact that we can’t be together. I never thought this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming
you for ignoring me as I know it is equally painful for you . I’m not angry,
either. I should be because you didn’t discuss with me before arriving at this decision, but I’m not. I just feel pain.
A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was
wrong.”
I won’t make excuses for his behaviour. He should have told me that he’d
come to this decision, that it was too hard for him to continue seeing me, that
he didn’t see the point in dragging the hurt out. But I understand why he
didn’t.
Sometimes it is hard to remember that there are two sides to every story,
that there are two sets of emotions involved, and that there are two human
beings separated in actions by the differences in community , family background
and their circumstances.
God I’m
crying over here. I can’t blame you also as I know you are on a tough road that
noone can comprehend right now and I know leaving me is killing you just as it
is for me. We just have to have faith that if this is someone that is meant to
stay in your life then God will bring him back to us. No matter what, it
doesn’t take away the hurt, we all know that and now we have to go through the
process of grieving a wonderful relationship. But there are so many things to
take away from it .
And yet it changes nothing… except that understanding brings me peace of
mind. Now I can try to move forward without hating him. I can understand that
he’s hurting too and he’s reacting in the only way he knows how. I can stop
myself from worrying about the little things and try to find peace with the
fact that the love of my life is going back to the other side
of the world without me. I can remind myself now to have
faith in Almighty God, and know that someday maybe he will bring him back to
me. Maybe in the form of messages over a distance or a call, or maybe just as a
memory… Now I Can’t write more ……….
“If
you press me to say why I loved him , I can say no more than because He was He
& I was I .”
******
I appreciate the support I continue to receive from all of my friends. I am
so grateful to have so many people checking in on me, and being angry with him
for me. I would like to tell them “Don’t be angry with him as in the end it
hurts me a lot , as he is an important part of my life so I can’t hear anything
against him. “
But I have to remember that in my heart I know he’s a good person, with a
good soul, and the best of intentions. I only keep the very best of people in
my life, and I trust that he is one of them. If you could see what I see, you
would too.
“You’re my closest friend and
you’re thousands of miles away from me …….”
